Fall Resolution

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Some people make New Year resolutions every January.  Since fall is my favorite season in New England, I have a tendency to make fall resolutions.  As I mentioned in a previous post, last fall I committed to a healthier lifestyle by combining the Advocare products with a healthy diet and exercise.  Although I have used the products faithfully over the past 12 months and maintained a relatively healthy diet, I have not maintained my desired exercise level.

That all changes on Wednesday (Tuesday is my mother-in-law’s birthday and she has requested a dinner that I wouldn’t necessarily consider super healthy).  On Wednesday, I will begin a 10 day Advocare cleanse.  This requires that I return to clean eating and recommit to my exercise plan. No dairy for those 10 days.  Although this might sound like a hardship to some people, I don’t drink milk and yogurt is definitely not on my list of favorite foods.  I will be fine.   The best part is, within 24 hours, I will feel fabulous.  Clean eating always makes me feel like a new person.  I have more energy and never get that too full feeling.  I promise you that this will not turn into a 10 day gripe-fest while I recharge.

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One of the best parts of the Advocare program is that I love it enough to share it.  I do want to be clear that it is not a diet program – it is a lifestyle change.  Even when my cheat day turned into a cheat week, the majority of the philosophies have stayed with me.  This is how I lost over 20 pounds and have kept them off for a year – even through the holidays!  It’s also how I got my family to eat healthier.  Everyone feels better when I sneak shredded zucchini into the hash browns and butternut squash puree into my pasta sauce.  My survivor doesn’t complain when the number on his scale goes down either.

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(Sorry for the not so clear “before” image.  It best depicted how I looked)

So, for tonight I will enjoy one of my daughter’s sugar cookies while I watch the Big Bang Theory and prepare myself for a healthy fall.

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A Little Bit of Fun

Now that school is back in session, our weekends are usually filled with errand-running and other busy activities that give us very little time to just relax and spend time together.  Today, we decided that puttering around the house was a great idea.

Our 12-year-old daughter’s idea of relaxing is baking.  She definitely did not inherit this talent from me.  I loathe baking.  All of that measuring and waiting just drives me crazy.  I am a much more organic cook – a little of this, a pinch of that, a smidge of this.

Today she decided that she would relax by making sugar cookies from scratch.  I love baking when all I have to do is put the dough on the pizza stone and take it off.  Unfortunately for my healthy initiative, they turned out great!!!

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In case you are a baking-lover like my daughter or just want to try your hand at these great cookies, here is the recipe:

Sugar Cookies

2 2/3 cups of flour

1 1/2 cups of sugar

1 egg

1 teaspoon of baking soda

1/2 teaspoon of baking powder

1 cup of softened butter

Directions:

Pre-heat the oven to 375 (350 if you are using a dark or non-stick cookie sheet)

Sift flour, baking soda and baking powder into a bowl. In a separate bowl, cream the butter, sugar, eggs and vanilla using a mixer.  Slowly mix the dry ingredients into the wet ingredients until completely incorporated.  Roll into golf ball sized balls and bake for 8-12 minutes.

Tips: If you don’t know how your oven runs, cook one cookie first to determine timing.  This way you won’t ruin a whole batch.

Also you can definitely bake these on a cookie sheet, but we prefer the texture created by cooking them on a pizza stone.  Not only does the stone pre-heat in the oven for more even cooking, the bottoms are a little crispy and the rest of the cookie is nice and soft.

After they are baked, you can definitely get creative!  Dip 1/2 in tempered chocolate or frost them with your favorite icing.  The possibilities are endless.

Enjoy your cookies and the weekend with your families!

Survivor Perspective

I have been thinking about this blog post for several days.  There’s something I really want to share, but not at the expense of offending anyone who we are fortunate enough to call a friend or family member.  One of the hardest things about being a survivor’s wife is learning a different way of communicating.  The Big C is a scary topic that most people don’t understand.  I know that questions are not being asked and comments are not being made maliciously, but I want to give a little perspective on the emotions and memories that those questions and comments can provoke.

On Monday, we attend a wake.  One of my husband’s very good high school friends passed away.  This was especially difficult for him because this friend was diagnosed with Leukemia around the same time he was diagnosed with Lymphoma.  They had a special bond because they endured months of chemotherapy at the same time and could commiserate about the experience.  Not only was my husband devastated by the loss, he also carried a certain amount of survivor’s guilt – the “why me” of remission.  Although he was determined to attend the wake and provide whatever comfort he could to his friend’s family, he also harbored the fear that people would look at him and silently ask “why did you survive when he didn’t?”.  I’m sure it wouldn’t have been intentional, but I can’t say I wouldn’t have done it had the situations been reversed.

We also knew that this would be the first time my husband would encounter some classmates and former friends since being diagnosed in 2011.  Everyone would want to know how he was doing.  Their concern would be genuine, but they would have no way of knowing that he couldn’t talk about it there.  Too many emotions were already swirling around in his heart.  He really didn’t have the ability to keep his emotions in check while discussing his own condition.

The moral of the story is, if you ask someone who has or has had a potentially terminal condition of any kind how they are doing and their answer is short, please do not be offended.  They greatly appreciate your concern, they are just unable to express their feelings.  My survivor does the best he can to talk about it when asked, but it is a difficult conversation for him.  The best gift you could give any survivor (or survivor’s wife) is compassion and understanding.  They will appreciate it always.

In the meantime, it is important to remember that life is precious; it is also very unfair at times.  No one should lose a spouse or a child or a parent at the young age of 42.  Treat every day is it was intended – as a gift.  You never know when it will end.

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It’s all in the perspective

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Saturday was an interesting day for us.  We woke up at the crack of dawn because my sister, mother and I had the fabulous idea that we should have a multi-family yard sale to purge all of the things we no longer needed and clear out some space for the holidays. I had mixed feelings about this, since selling these things, even to families who needed them, felt like selling memories.  I remembered the first time I took our 12-year-old daughter out for a jog in her jogging stroller.  I remembered changing our son into his first Red Sox outfit in the pack ‘n play.  It was definitely a nostalgic day for me.

After wrapping up a successful yard sale, we were able to check Facebook for the fist time all day.  Part of me wishes we hadn’t.  Our news feeds delivered the message that one of our survivor friends had lost his fight with leukemia in the early hours of the morning.  This news hit my husband very hard.  A high school friend, they had been diagnosed around the same time and experienced chemotherapy together.  They carried a bond that most of us are unable to comprehend.

I suspect that this loss brought a little bit of nervousness.  Even though he has been in remission for over three years, there are triggers that will cause him to become apprehensive about his success.  It’s like waiting for the other shoe to drop.  I’m sure that losing a friend is one of those triggers.

For me, this news put the items we sold into perspective.  Even though they carried tons of happy memories, they are just things.  The memories live on in our hearts.  It made me remember what is really important; the people who touch our lives and leave a positive, lasting impact.  Rest in peace our friend.  You will never be forgotten.

Quality Time

It is not often that my husband and I have “kid free” time together.  We are always jetting off to some school event or swim team practice or work related responsibility.  Today, I’m happy to say, we were able to take some time to be together and enjoy one another.

We started out morning by dropping our children off to other people.  Our daughter strutted her way to middle school in her very stylish skinny jeans and baggy sweatshirt.  She’s just like her mama in that she loves the fall weather. Wait until she realizes that this is New England and she will be back in shorts and a tank top tomorrow morning.

Our son went off to his day care provider, where he was convinced that the “letter of the day” would be O.  I love that he has 3-year-old concerns.  I also love that he is social enough to be confident outside in the world.

Children deposited, we picked up Grammy (my mother) and headed off on our adventure to The Big Apple, a farm in Wrentham, Massachusetts.  We have been going to this farm for the fabulous homemade apple cider and donuts since I was a young child.  It is one of my favorite places because it really does make me feel like a kid again.  Nothing has changed in the past 40 years and I love their dedication to the history of the farm.  The ever-so-delicious caramel apples don’t hurt either!

Big Apple Farm Store

If you ever get the opportunity to venture to Wrentham, it is definitely worth the detour.  Close proximity to the Simon Outlet Mall makes it a double positive.  Since I couldn’t convince my husband to make a stop at the outlets, we hit a couple of stores that were necessities, then had a leisurely lunch.  It was a morning well spent and it was nice to spend time with both of them without constantly being interrupted with “Mama, I want a granola bar” or “Can I go to a friend’s house?”

However, 2:30pm is fast approaching.  Children will be retrieved from their respective sites.  Life will go on as it has for the past few years in our “new normal” and I will cherish the few hours I had to feel like we were dating again.  It is important to take the time to support one another in your own relationship and nurture the bond, even in small doses.

Swapped Roles

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I’ve known my husband since I was 8 years old.  Although we drifted in and out of one another’s lives for the first 28 years, the man who I married was not much different from the boy I met in the 2nd grade.  He would give anyone the shirt off his back.  He always thinks of others first.  He has always been a risk taker.  Prior to his back surgeries, skydiving and dirt biking were two of his favorite activities.  The world has always been his oyster and that balanced out my serious, studious nature.  We were always the yin to the other’s yang.

In the face of dealing with the re-diagnosis of several friends, I have watched my husband transition from a free spirit to a much more serious person.  He has become more reflective and sadly, fatalistic.  Today, in speaking about a friend he lamented that “my time is my time”.  I know this is his way of dealing with the reality that if people he knows can relapse, so can he.  I am now the positive thinker that believes with all my heart that we have beat the Big C for good.  Essentially, we have switched roles.  He needed to come to grips with his own mortality and I need to believe that we have a lifetime ahead of us.  I didn’t realize that I loved him until I had known him for 27 years.  Life is not cruel enough to take him away from me before we have the opportunity to make up for lost time. I am going to continue to believe that – and I have enough positivity for both of us.